


Ain't No Reason Too Dumb

by meh_guh



Category: Marvel
Genre: Angst, Disregard of Own Life, M/M, Steve Feels, Tony You Fool, urgh this is unhappy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-08
Updated: 2012-09-08
Packaged: 2017-11-13 19:13:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/506780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meh_guh/pseuds/meh_guh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's silence on the other end of the comms, and all Steve can think is that he should've said something before it was too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ain't No Reason Too Dumb

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the Tony Stark Suicide Bingo Card http://forums.bluegrassgamers.com/viewtopic.php?f=52&t=5568
> 
> EDIT: many thanks to corullance for letting me know that 'terminal velocity' doesn't mean what I thought it did; adjusted now! <3<3<3

Throwing himself out of the remaining guard's line of fire, Steve could hear Tony muttering to himself. He snapped a quick one-two punch, taking the man out, and looked up.

'Iron Man,' he snapped. 'You're on comms.'

Tony paused, and strangely didn't come back with sarcasm or innuendo. Instead, Steve heard him take a deep breath, then another, like he was psyching himself up to jump in cold water.

'That's it,' he said quietly, a little tense sounding, but accepting. 'The only way.'

Steve felt his blood run cold, and turned frantically for the stairs, charging up them four at a time, unable to spare breath even to shout for an explanation.

'Hey, Cap,' Steve heard the click of Tony flicking over to a private channel. His fake cheer hurt to listen to, and Steve bounced off the wall when he took a corner. 'This thing's gonna blow, and Doom managed to ruin any chance I had of disabling it, so-'

' _No _, Tony!' Steve shouted, slamming shoulder-first through the door.__

__'Sorry, Steve,' Tony wrapped his arms around the box, taking another ragged breath that echoed in Steve's ears. 'No time. Goodbye.'_ _

__Steve hurled himself towards Tony as he fired the boot jets, yards too slow as Tony shot through the skylight straight up, suit glinting once before vanishing from sight._ _

__'Tony!' Steve pressed a hand to his ear, shouting. 'Tony, God dammit, don't do this!'_ _

__'Hey,' Tony replied, a note of fear finally making its way into his voice. 'We do what we gotta do, right? I'm sorry, Steve, I-'_ _

__The signal cut out, and Steve dropped to his knees, feeling an odd sort of deja vu; only this time he was the one left behind at the other end of a cut-off transmission. He hoped Peggy hadn't felt this way._ _

__He stared numbly at the shattered skylight, vaguely aware of tears streaming down his face. He was no stranger to losing comrades; it was never pleasant, but reality sometimes wasn't. _Tony _, though. His best friend, the one who made this century bearable, the man about whom Steve idly entertained fantasies of... something more than they already had, he shouldn't-___ _

____'-shit, shit. Can anyone read me?'_ _ _ _

____'Tony?!' Steve felt his heart stop. 'Tony, why-'_ _ _ _

____'Steve,' Tony said quickly, almost panicked. 'Get Thor, Carol, _someone _out here, I'm falling and the suit's fried. I've got maybe three minutes before impact-'___ _ _ _

______'Avengers-' Steve barked, but was overridden by Thor._ _ _ _ _ _

______'Friend Tony,' and Steve could see a red blur shoot past the window, heading for the clouds. 'I am on my way.'_ _ _ _ _ _

______'Always my favourite,' Tony managed, choking a laugh out. 'I'm buying you a stable. You like horses or llamas? Never mind, I'm getting you one of everything people ride; different steed every day of the week... hey, there you are.'_ _ _ _ _ _

______'I have hold of the Iron Avenger,' Thor reported. 'I believe he needs medical assistance, Captain.'_ _ _ _ _ _

______'Take him straight to Bellvue,' Steve ordered, stripping a glove to wipe his face, and taking a deep breath. 'Avengers, SHIELD can deal with clean up; secure your areas, hand over, and meet us at the hospital.'_ _ _ _ _ _

______'Come on,' Tony protested. 'I don't need-'_ _ _ _ _ _

______'Shut up, Tony,' Steve could hear flat anger in his own voice. 'Hospital, then we're talking.'_ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______****_ _ _ _ _ _

______It wasn't the first time Tony had taken a ludicrous risk with his own life. It wasn't even the tenth, and Steve was livid. Every time it was _'there was no time' _or _'it had to be me' _or _'hey, it worked out didn't it?' _, and a self-deprecating laugh accompanied by the clink of a decanter on a glass._______ _ _ _ _ _

____________He waited patiently on the hard plastic chair immediately outside Tony's private room, still in uniform. The nurses who walked past had each taken one look at his expression and sped up, finding somewhere else to be._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________'Captain America?' a tall, skinny woman leaned out of Tony's room. 'Could you come in here?'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Steve straightened his shoulders and went in. 'Doctor,' he nodded at the woman. 'How is he?'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________She gave him a bland look. 'In the top ten worst patients I've ever had to deal with, but I think you probably already knew that. Mild concussion, contusions, a few minor burns, cracked ribs and a few strained muscles. No reason to keep him, unless you request it.'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Steve shook his head, staring at Tony's hunched-shouldered form perched on the bed. The doctor must've been particularly sharp-tongued to shut him up this long._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________'All right,' she nodded. 'I'll draw up the discharge papers. His armour's in the cupboard.'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________She shut the door behind her, and Steve leaned against the wall, arms crossed. Tony shuffled to his feet, shooting a grin at Steve, one hand carefully holding his ribs. He was a mess of blackening bruises, smelling a little of burnt hair and oil over the pervasive disinfectant scent of the hospital._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________'Hey, Cap,' he waved his free hand at the set of scrubs sitting on the bed. 'Wanna help me cover up? They cut the underarmour off.'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Steve tamped down on the flare of anger at Tony's blasé attitude to his own near-death. This wasn't the time or the place to hash things out with him. He could wait until they got back to the mansion._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________'Sure,' he said, forcing his tone to stay level. 'Stand still.'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________****_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________It took twice as long as usual to get back to the mansion, since they had to dodge what seemed like every reporter in the city. They always descended like howling monkeys when an Avenger was injured, but when it was Tony they seemed twice as loud and half as sympathetic._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________'Fun times,' Tony smiled wryly when they got inside. 'Let's do it again.'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Steve felt his spine stiffen, and he tore the cowl off. 'Tony, we have to talk.'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The smile dropped off Tony's face, and he turned for the stairs. 'All right, Steve. But not in the hall.'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He led the way to his home office, shutting the door behind them and engaging the locks. Steve, suddenly nervous, pulled his gloves off to stuff inside the cowl, throwing the bundle onto a chair._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Tony headed for the bar, looked at Steve for a long moment, and redirected to lean against the edge of his desk instead. 'You want me off the team.'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________It took Steve a minute to parse that, since he was trying to figure out how to broach the subject of Tony's reckless disregard for his own safety. 'What? No!'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Tony frowned. 'Then what? I know I screwed up today; I just couldn't figure it out in time. I did the best with the time I had, and look!' he threw his arms wide, grinning like he'd pulled off a magic trick. 'All worked out fine!'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________'Flying off to die is _not in my definition of FINE! _' Steve lost hold of his temper, slamming a fist into the wall. He froze, shame washing through him as he bowed his head and gasped for breath.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________After what felt like forever, he heard Tony's footsteps, felt the heat of Tony's hand hovering over his shoulder. Tony was going to shrug his behaviour off, Steve just knew it; and the next time he did something like this Tony would _die _.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________He grabbed Tony by the shoulders and turned, slamming him against the wall._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________'You are _not _,' he growled into Tony's shocked face, punctuating each word with a tiny shake. 'Disposable. Not to the team, not to SHIELD, and not to me.'___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________'Steve...' Tony's hands came up to cup Steve's shoulders. 'It's not-'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________He couldn't listen to Tony belittle himself, so Steve shut him up the only way he ever wanted to._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________'Mmrfl!' Tony went rigid at the kiss, slamming his head back into the wall with a crack! that sounded painful. 'Steve! What're you doing?!'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Steve let his head droop until his forehead was resting on the dip between Tony's collarbones, and sighed. Tony's hands fluttered at the back of his neck, stroking like a kid who'd never had a dog and wasn't quite sure how to do it. It was nice, or it would've been if Tony hadn't just shot him down._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________'-can't have a repeat of Johnny Storm and that Shi-ar warrior, can we?' Tony was rambling, voice pitched not quite at panic tones. 'You just wait with me, and we'll get Richards or McCoy to screen you for-'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________'What are you talking about, Tony?' Steve pulled back reluctantly, leaving his hands on Tony's shoulders._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________'I didn't think Doom was using any bio weapons today,' Tony patted Steve's cheek in the same nervous, awkward way he'd been stroking his neck. 'But clearly you've been exposed to something hazardous-'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________'Yes,' Steve reached up to pin Tony's hand to his face, pressing a kiss to his palm. Maybe if Tony just realised he was loved, Steve thought, even if it wasn't by someone he wanted. 'Your reckless behaviour is hazardous to my health. I know you don't feel the same way, but I just... Tony, I can't watch you kill yourself. I love you too much to let you keep throwing yourself on every grenade.'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Tony blinked at him, then laughed, hysteria edging into his voice. 'Who put you up to this?' he glanced around the room, eyes wide and almost panicked. 'Was it Clint? Johnny? I don't know how they got you to agree, but-'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Steve forced himself to take a step back, to tuck his hands into the small of his own back. 'No one put me up to anything, Tony. I realise I'm not what you want, but can't you trust that you're valued? Loved? Losing you is not _ever _the acceptable option. I'll never bring up how I feel again,' he swallowed around a bitter lump; until just now, Steve had cherished the faint hope that Tony just might reciprocate. 'But you deserved to know.'___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Tony's breath rasped, his hand creeping up to cradle the arc reactor. He stared, open-mouthed at Steve for a long moment, then edged back to his desk, keeping his gaze on Steve._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________'I don't...' he frowned at himself, shaking his head viciously and stopping to take a deep breath before looking up. He had his damn business face on, Steve noted. The polite, bland expression he wore with investors; steady eye contact and absolutely none of Tony's vibrant personality showing. 'I'm sorry for worrying you, Captain.'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________Captain _, Steve's hands tightened against each other, but he didn't let anything show on his face. He just waited, holding parade rest out of habit.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________'I'm even sorrier I can't be what you want,' Tony continued after a moment, bracing his hands on the desk. 'I'm sorry, and I'm tired. Could you close the door on your way out, please?'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Swallowing again, Steve just nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He watched as Tony sank into the chair; just to make sure he was OK, he told himself, and marched out of the office and straight to his own room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________He closed the door, flicking the lock, and sank to the floor to cradle his head in his hands._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
